The Beginning of the End
by TVObssessedGirl28
Summary: Dark thoughts plague Ethan's mind after the aftermath of the helicopter crash. Cal sees that his little brother is on the edge of breaking. Can he save him before it's too late and Ethan does something he would regret?
1. Chapter 1

As he walked towards the pub he saw Alicia coming out with someone who was not his brother. Turning around he saw Ethan sitting alone.

"She's a player." Cal said.

Ethan gave him a look saying 'I don't think that's true'.

"Well, you've dodged a bullet there. Trust me, mate." Cal carried on.

All Ethan could do was nod and murmur in agreement. Cal could see that his brother was a bit down so breaking the silence and wanting to cheer him up, he offered,

"Why don't' we finish this training thing, then get you a curry?"

He paused.

"And a Fast and Furious box set."

Ethan sighed.

"I hate the Fast and Furious."

"I know." Cal replied, nudging him.

It was getting dark by the time Cal and Ethan arrived back home. While the basketball match had taken their minds off of what happened in the last weeks, they were still thinking of Grace. As for Ethan, not only was he hoping Grace would make a full recovery, his knee injury was a reminder to him. It was a reminder of how close he had come to almost dying. The thought sent a shudder down his spine. Then again, in the back of his mind maybe it would have been better of he had died. This dark thought that ran through his brain made Ethan think back to the last year. The year of his Huntington's diagnosis. At least, Ethan thought, if he had died when the scaffolding collapsed on top him, he wouldn't have to be constantly worrying when his disease would start to take over. He didn't have to live a life where every slight movement or odd behaviour could be or could not be a symptom. At least then he wouldn't have to deal with the uncertainty of wondering how long he would live for when the disease did present itself. As if reading his brother's mind, Cal broke Ethan out of his thoughts.

"Don't even go there, Eth."

"Go where?" Ethan asked, trying to act as if he wasn't thinking what Cal knew he was thinking.

"You know where."

"Well, maybe it would have been better if I had died."

"Why?" Cal wondered.

"You know why." Ethan replied, honestly.

"Maybe I do know why. But, you can't think like that. You still got years left and who knows what medical advances there'll be in years to come."

"But, I haven't got years. I'm 29, which means in a year's time the symptoms might appear and then who knows how long I've got left."

Cal had never heard his brother talking like this before. Even when he first found out that he had inherited the gene, Ethan had taken a more positive approach. Well, two positive approaches. PIMP and 'Be More Cal'. And so far, both had worked. But, since the helicopter crash and Grace still in a serious condition, Ethan's outlook on life had changed. For Cal, this change in his brother's attitude worried him and as he listened to his brother he wondered just how far Ethan would go with this new outlook. He wondered whether Ethan was serious about taking his own life. Sensibly, Cal shook the thought out of his mind. He knew his brother and knew that this change in behaviour was just a phase. Ethan would soon get over it and be back to his normal self. Cal knew his brother wouldn't do anything that stupid. Ethan was the smart one, the one who thought things through. He wasn't the one to act rash or go on instinct. That was more him than Ethan. Yet, somehow the worry remained in the back of Cal's mind. Not daring to go away completely.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning Cal's mind was all over the place. He had spent the whole night tossing and turning, worried about what Ethan had said. Every couple of minutes Cal would lie very still in case he heard the door to his brother's room open. All night he kept imagining all sorts of terrible scenarios of finding his brother unconscious or worse, dead. When he got up this morning, Cal even went into his brother's bedroom to check if he was still breathing. Then before Cal left to start his shift, he checked on Ethan again. Now at work his mind was still unfocused that it was affecting his work both Charlie and Elle noticed.

"Cal?" Charlie repeated for the third time.

Cal broke away from his thoughts when he heard Charlie call his name.

"Uh, yeah. Sorry, I was miles away."

"I saw." Charlie answered. "The patient in cubicle 4."

"Yeah, what about him?" Cal asked.

"Is he good to be discharged?" Elle inquired.

"Not yet. He's still complaining of chest pains and shortness of breath. I would like to keep him in for observation." Cal replied.

"Okay, but other than that he's okay?" Elle asked, but Cal was once again not listening.

"Cal?" Elle said.

"Yeah, other than those symptoms he's okay."

Elle and Charlie were about to leave him to treating his patient when they stopped.

"Are you sure everything's okay, Cal?" Charlie asked as he placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Came his reply.

Charlie looked at Elle. Both seemed to be not convinced by his answer. So indicating for Cal to follow them. The three of them headed into Elle's office. Elle sat down in front of Cal while Charlie stood beside her.

"Cal, what's going on?" Elle wondered.

"It's nothing." Cal responded, avoiding eye contact.

"It's not nothing." Charlie added. "Are you ill?"

Cal shook his head.

"Then what is it?"

Cal remained silent for a few minutes longer. He debated about whether he should tell them about what Ethan had said to him. But, then for a minute he thought it was better if he didn't. After all, it was none of their business. It was between him and Ethan. But, then again they were his colleagues and friends. They would do everything they could to support them. Finally, Cal decided to tell them what was going on.

"It's Ethan."

"Ethan?" Elle inquired. "Is he ill?"

"Not exactly." Cal commented.

"What do you mean 'not exactly'?"

"It's just something he said to me last night."

"What did he say?"

Cal hesitated.

"He told me that he wished he had died during the helicopter crash."

Elle and Charlie looked at him with shock written all over their faces. They were stunned at Cal's admission.

"Ethan said that?" Charlie said.

Cal nodded.

"Why would he say that? Elle questioned.

"It's kind of complicated." Cal responded.

"Complicated how?"

Cal didn't answer. He didn't want to tell Elle or Charlie about Ethan's diagnosis, but at the same time he didn't know what to do and he needed help.

"Ethan has Huntington's." Cal announced.

"What?" Charlie asked shocked.

"Yeah, he's got the gene, Charlie."

"Oh, Cal." Charlie sighed. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." Cal said.

"And do you think Ethan meant what he said?"

Cal shrugged.

"I don't know. I mean I hope he didn't mean what he said. I also know him and know he wouldn't something that rash. But, then again ever since his diagnosis and the helicopter crash he's been different. I don't know what to do."

"For now, all you can do is be there for him. You'll also have our support if you need it." Charlie told him.

Cal nodded and left the office. Elle turned to Charlie.

"I had no idea." Elle admitted.

"Neither did I." Charlie commented.

Cal decided to take his break. While on his break he decided to check up on Ethan and so dialed his number. But, he didn't receive an answer. Worried that something must have happened to him he tries again. On reception, Noel could see Cal was worried about something.

"You alright, mate?" Noel asked once Cal was off the phone.

"I'm trying to get hold of Ethan. But, he's not answering." Cal explained to him.

"Ethan's in cubicles." Noel told him.

Noel's answer worried him a bit. Even though he knew Noel meant he was working in cubicles Cal also thought he meant Ethan had been admitted to cubicles. So just to make sure he asked Noel if he was treating a patient. To which, Noel clarified that he was treating a patient. Knowing that Ethan was working Cal could now get back to his own patients, even though he was still worried about his brother's state of mind. In cubicle 6 Ethan and Robyn were treating 10-year-old Matthew, who had fallen off a climbing frame. He came in an ambulance with his older brother when Matthew was knocked out unconscious and couldn't move his foot. When he arrived at the ED, Ethan had ordered the usual FBCs, U&Es as well as a CT scan and x-ray. The CT scan was clear but, Ethan was going to keep his patient in for 24 hours just to make sure. As for the x-ray, it revealed that Matthew had fractured his ankle and would need a plaster cast put on it. Ethan was writing up his notes when all of a sudden his whole hand jerked. Ethan swore under his breath as he noticed his handwriting had become illegible. He tried to amend his writing when once again his hand made an uncontrollable movement.

"Ethan, are you okay? Robyn asked when he heard Ethan mutter to himself.

"Yes, I'm fine." Ethan replied, pushing his glasses up on his nose.

"I'm just going to fill the rest of this paperwork out and then I'll come back to put the ankle in plaster." Ethan told Matthew.

Ethan was almost out of the cubicle when he felt his leg gave way and the clipboard he was holding clattered to the floor. Groaning to himself he picked up the items off the floor. He placed the clipboard on top of the counter before heading towards the staffroom and slamming the door behind him. Robyn noticed Ethan's odd behaviour. He was acting strange, not like his normal self and it was worrying Robyn so after checking Matthew's vital signs she went off to find Cal. Maybe he knew what was bothering Ethan? Robyn found him treating a patient in HDU.

"Um, Cal?" Robyn interrupted, hesitantly.

"Not now, Robyn." Cal replied.

"But..."

"I said not now. I'm with a patient at the moment."

Sensing this wasn't a good time and Ethan seemed to be alright on his own Robyn left HDU. On her way back to reception she spotted Max.

"Max, could you do me a favour?"

"Only if we can have pizza tonight."

"Fine."

"Yes! Okay, so what's the favour?"

"Can you check on Ethan for me?"

"Why?"

"He was acting a bit strange earlier on. I just want to make sure he's alright."

"Okie dokie, and don't forget pizza." He called out as he walked away.

Max had reached the staff room and was about to open the door when he looked through the glass.


	3. Chapter 3

"Ethan?" Max called out as he rushed into the room.

Ethan didn't make a sound. Max ran back out.

"Can I get some help in here!"

Elle and Robyn rushed in. They saw Ethan on the floor with a cut to his forehead.

"Let's get him on a trolley." Elle ordered.

"And Robyn, find Cal. He will want to know what's happened to Ethan.

While Robyn went off to find Cal, Elle and by now Charlie along with David stormed through to Resus. Cal is busy treating a patient when he hears the curtains open.

"Sorry to bother you, but you're needed, Cal."

"Can't it wait?" Cal asked, not turning around.

"Uh, no, it can't wait."

"Right. Let me just stitch up this wound and I'll go."

"It's fine. I'll do that." Robyn offered.

"Why the rush?" Cal inquired as he sets down the gauze.

"It's Ethan."

Letting his gloves drop on to the trolley, Cal rushed out of cubicles while Robyn finished up stitching his patient's wound. Approaching Resus he heard Elle's voice through the doors. He pushed the doors open and saw his brother lying unconscious on a trolley with the monitors beeping at a steady rate.

"What happened?" Cal wondered as he stands in front of the doors.

But, nobody answered him. They were too busy working on Ethan trying to get him stabilized when the machines started going erratic and his BP was dropping.

"Can someone please tell me what's going on with my brother?" Cal raised his voice.

This time it was Elle who answered him.

"Ethan was found unconscious in the staff room. He has a serious head injury and if we don't get him up to CT to see what damaged it has caused, his condition is not going get stable. I know you're worried but, let us do our job."

Cal sighed. CT was ready to take Ethan up ,however, before they reached the elevator his BP began to drop again.

"He's arrested!" Elle shouted as she began chest compressions and they burst through back to Resus.

Cal could only stand and watched helplessly as his friends tried to resuscitate Ethan. Robyn came up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"This may not be my place to say," She began to say, "but earlier on Ethan seemed to be acting a bit strange."

"Strange? What do you mean strange?" Cal inquired turning to face her.

"Well, earlier when we were treating a patient Ethan was writing up his notes when his arm sort of gave way and it jerked. I asked him if he was okay but he just shook it off and said he was fine. Then when he left cubicles to finish what he was writing he, um, sort of tumbled."

"Did he trip over anything?"

"No." Robyn replied, "There was nothing to trip on."

Those last words to come out of Robyn's mouth made Cal freeze to the spot. Jerky movements and clumsiness were all symptoms of Huntington's. Did that mean Ethan was already beginning to show signs of the disease. Was this the beginning of the end? Praying to himself that it wasn't and that his brother had just collapsed for some other reason, Cal slowly walked over to where Ethan lay. Thankfully, his friends had managed to stabilize him and so was preparing to take him up to CT. Minutes later the CT scan came back. It was good news. Ethan's head injury wasn't that serious. All he needed now was to rest. Although Cal was relieved to hear that it wasn't serious, he still couldn't help but, wonder if Ethan was starting to show symptoms. Cal certainly hoped it wasn't. Yet, even if they were symptoms Cal promised he would be there for Ethan. He wasn't going to run, not this time. This time, he was going to step and face whatever life threw at them. They were going to face the unknown together. Cal remained by Ethan's side for the rest of the evening, holding his hand and waiting for him to wake up. Cal had fallen asleep by the time Ethan came round. So not wanting to disturb him, Ethan gently moved his hand away from Cal, careful not to wake him up. Ethan was not that lucky. As soon as he moved his hand away, his brother began to stir. Lifting his head up from where he saw, Cal saw Ethan was awake.

"How are you feeling, Nibbles?" Cal asked.

"I've got a slight headache, but other than that I feel perfect."

Cal could tell the last bit was a lie.

"Ethan?" Cal started "Do you remember what happened?"

Ethan nodded very slowly. He then turned to face Cal.

"I think it's started." Ethan whispered. "I know it's started."


	4. Chapter 4

Cal felt his heart break a little when Ethan said what he said. When he saw there were tears in his brother's eyes, Cal stood up from his chair and sat beside him. Wrapping his arm around Ethan's shoulder, he pulled him into his chest.

"Don't say that." Cal mumbled into his hair. "You're fine. Everything's fine."

"But, everything isn't fine." Ethan choked out. "I've got the gene, Cal and it's a ticking time bomb. A time bomb that has already exploded."

Cal tightened his hold on his brother.

"I know you think it's started, but it hasn't."

"How do you know?"

"Because I do."

Cal was trying to reassure Ethan that the disease hadn't already started taking control over his body, but even his words of reassurance wasn't doing Cal any good either. He knew Ethan had a point. How did he know that the disease hadn't started? How could they be so sure that it was still waiting to explode? Cal knew he didn't have the answers for those questions. The two of them remained in their hold for a few minutes longer when Ethan broke away from the embrace.

"Cal…" Ethan was hesitant to carry on, but when he saw Cal look him in the eye, he knew he had to continue.

"I think we both know this is it. This is the start of the end for me."

Cal could feel tears prick the corners of his eyes as he listened to what Ethan was telling him.

"And I know it's going to be a difficult time for both of us. Especially you. I want you to promise me that you'll be okay?"

"Why shouldn't I be?" Cal was confused by Ethan's answer and he couldn't help but, worry that a tight knot was forming in his stomach.

"Just promise me!" Ethan reiterated the words.

"Okay, I promise." Cal said as the knot began to tighten even more.

"We both know that when the disease advances I'll will no longer have control over my body."

Ethan paused and took in a deep breath before he continued.

"That is why I want you to help me."

Cal frowned.

"Help you with what?"

"I think you already know the answer to that." Ethan admitted.

Cal shook his heads as he felt the tears escape down his cheeks.

"No, Ethan." Cal pleaded, "Do not ask me to kill my brother."

"Cal…"

"I said no! I'm not going to help my brother die."

"It's not your choice." Ethan commented, his voice cracking with emotion as he knew what he was asking Cal to do.

Cal shook his head frantically.

"No. I'm not going to let you die. Whatever happens, whenever this disease takes over I'll be there for you. I'll be there every step of the way. We'll fight this together."

This time in order to get him to understand, Ethan takes Cal's hands in his.

"You know as well as I do, there's no way to fight this. When the disease takes over and it will take over, I won't have a lot of time left. And I don't want to be a burden to you. I saw how much you cared for mum in her final years, I don't want you doing the same for me."

"But, you're my little brother, Ethan. It's my job to look after to you. The same I did for mum. I looked after her and I'll do the same for you. I don't want to lose you."

"You'll lose me either way. As soon as the disease takes control I will no longer be your brother. I'll be a shell of my former self. I don't want you to see me like that. I don't want you to see me deteriorate in front of you. I want you to remember me as how I am now, not who I will become."

Cal wasn't going to listen to his brother any longer. He wasn't going to stay here and listen to what Ethan was telling him to do. He pushed the doors open and stormed out as he heard his brother's pleas float through the air. Charlie was busy by reception when he saw Cal come down the stairs. He noticed the expression on Cal's face and knew something was wrong.

"Cal?" Charlie called out. "Is everything okay?"

But, Cal ignored the question. Instead he headed straight to the staff room. A loud BANG could be heard throughout the ED as the door slammed closed behind him. Charlie took a moment to put the files down on the reception before heading over to the staff room. Quietly, he knocked before entering. Upon entering he saw Cal sat on the edge of the sofa, his head in his hands and his shoulders heaving up and down. Charlie sat down beside him, but remained in silence. He let Cal have a few moments by himself before offering him his support.

"Cal, what's happened?" Charlie asked, quietly.

Cal wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

"I can't do it." He announces.

"Can't do what?"

"Kill my own brother."

"What do you mean 'kill your own brother'?

Cal sighs before answering.

"Ethan wants me to help him die." Cal had difficulty getting the words out. By actually saying the words a loud, it dawned on him just how tough the decision was.

Charlie doesn't say a word. He remains silent, only letting Cal take control of the conversation.

"What am I supposed to do, Charlie? I can't let him do this. I can't kill him. He's all I've got left and if I do what he wants, I'll have no one."

"I know it's hard…."

"How do you know? It's not your brother."

Charlie shook his head.

"No, he's not my brother. But, I was exactly in the same position you are in a long time ago."

"Really?"

"Yes. A dear friend of mine didn't have long to live. Only two years, but she didn't want to suffer any longer so she asked me to help her die. Like you I refused. Told her I wasn't going to let her die, but in the end I did. And you know why?"

Cal shook his head.

"Because in the end it was her choice. In the end it was the kindest thing I could have done for her. She wasn't going to suffer anymore and I knew that she was at peace."

"So are you saying I should do it?"

"It's not my place to tell what you should or shouldn't do." Charlie told him honestly, "but, I'll tell you this. Whatever you decide to do make sure it's the best thing for Ethan and not for you."

Cal knew Charlie was right. He was being selfish. After all, it was Ethan's decision to make. Yet, the hardest part of all was letting him go. How would he cope without his brother? Without his safety net? It was a tough decision to make but, a decision he'd have to choose.


	5. Chapter 5

Cal sat in the staff room a little while longer, going over the decision he was going to make. A decision that would drastically change not Ethan's life but, his as well. After going over his decision in his mind for what seemed like hours Cal finally knew what he had to do. Taking two steps at a time Cal had reached the room where Ethan was when he heard a sound he didn't wanted to hear. He saw the machine was registering a flat line and as he turned his head he saw Elle. Her hand was over the switch off button. Before Cal knew what he was doing he yanked Elle's hand away. He immediately began CPR on his brother.

"Cal, stop." Elle said.

Nothing.

"Stop." She placed her hand on top of his trying to stop the momentum of the compressions.

Reluctantly, he slowed down. Once Elle was sure he had stopped she removed her hand. But, that wasn't a good idea. As soon as Cal felt Elle remove her, he started again.

"Cal." He heard Elle's voice.

"No, I have to keep going. I'm not going to let him die."

"Let him go." Elle said softly.

"Please," Cal begged, barely audibly. "Please don't ask me to let him go."

Elle shook her head sympathetically. It broke her heart to see him like this, but she knew he had to.

"Let him go." She told him once more.

Cal collapsed on top of the trolley, his breathes coming out in short breaths as he cradled Ethan in his arms. Cal screamed. A scream that could be heard throughout the hospital. The heart-wrenching cry echoed and within a few seconds Charlie, Lily, Robyn, David, Max, Noel, Jacob, Louise and even Dylan stood in-between the doorway. Charlie looked at Elle with a sad smile. Both Max and David were comforting Robyn. Noel, Jacob and Louise just stood with their heads down. The atmosphere was very somber indeed. Elle left the room while she indicated with her head for Max to lead Cal out of the room. Unfortunately, Cal was reluctant to leave Ethan's side.

"Come on, mate." Max told him gently.

"No, I can't leave him. He needs me. He needs me to be here when he wakes up."

Max didn't know what else to say. In the end he had to drag Cal away from the lifeless body of his brother. In the staff room Cal sat in a trance. He kept hoping he would wake up from this terrible nightmare. Hoping it was just a dream and that in reality his brother was still alive. Praying that he was back with his brother in his arms, but not having the conversation. The conversation that led him to this moment. Friends and colleagues had wanted to offer their condolences but, Charlie had told them to not disturb him. instead the rest of the staff remained by reception also lost still in a daze. Every one of them knew what a hard time the two brothers had. They knew that there wasn't a day where Cal wasn't teasing Ethan, but deep down they knew that both Cal and Ethan cared for each other. Everyone was lost in their own thoughts that they hadn't heard Iain and Jez come up.

"Has someone died?" Jez joked, not realizing just how true his question was.

Iain, on the other hand, was a bit more aware and knew something had happened. Something bad had happened.

"What is it?" Iain asked.

Charlie turned around. There were still tears in his eyes and the two paramedics could see.

"I suppose you haven't heard?"

Iain and Jez shook their heads.

"I'm afraid Ethan's died."

"What?" Iain said stunned. "How?"

"He went into cardiac arrest. There was nothing we could do."

"And how's Cal?"

"As well as can be."

Soon the staff began to depart as they went back to their patients. But, while they still had work to do, their minds weren't focused on what they had to do. As soon as everyone had left only Elle and Charlie remained. Charlie was about to head back to the nurses' station when Elle stopped him.

"Uh, Charlie, do you think I can talk to you?"

Charlie nodded. The two went into the office. Charlie closed the door behind him.

"What is it?" Charlie inquired.

"I um, don't know how to say this but, I killed him."


	6. Chapter 6

"I don't mean I killed him deliberately, well I did kill him deliberately. Though not in that sense of 'I hated him, he needed to die'. But I did kill him. "

"I see."

"I see" Elle repeated. "Is that all you can say? How am I supposed to tell Cal that I helped his brother die?"

"He'll understand."

"Understand? How will he understand? "

"Because Ethan asked Cal to do what you just did."

"He did?"

Charlie nodded.

"So why didn't he?"

"I thought that was obvious."

Elle sighed. Of course she knew why he didn't. Elle placed her hands on her hips.

"So what am I going to do?"

"Why does everyone assume I'm the person who knows what to do?" Charlie asked trying to be annoyed.

"Because you're Charlie Fairhead. You always know what to do." Elle smiled.

"You have to tell him." Charlie replied.

"I know."

With her answer Elle left the office and Charlie. She stopped at the staff room door before opening it. Cal was still sat in a daze. Elle slowly walked up him and sat down beside him. For a moment, Elle was just going to say it. She was going to tell Cal what she had done. What Ethan had asked her to do but, instead she handed him a piece of paper. A piece of paper explaining what had happened. For a second Cal didn't register what Elle had handed him, until he felt the paper in his hand. Elle left Cal alone. After he had heard the door close, Cal looked down at the paper. He knew what the letter was. He just didn't want to acknowledge it.

 _Dear Cal,_

 _Where do I begin? I suppose I should start by saying I guess you already know what's coming? I meant what I said earlier on. About you helping me die. I know what I'm asking you to do is a tough decision, one you don't want to have to make. But, like I said, it's not your decision. You know that. We both knew that whenever the disease began, making decisions while I still could was never going to be easy. That is why I made my mind up while I still could._

 _I can't let you watch me deteriorate in front of you. Nor can I let you take care of me, not after everything you did for mum. You need a life. Not one where you're constantly looking after me. I don't want you to be my keeper or my carer. I just want you to be my brother. I want you to be my big brother. The big brother I know you are. I know you've said countless times that you've never been the best brother in the world, but that's not true. It never was. You have been the best brother in the world. And I couldn't have asked for a better one._

 _I don't want you to feel like you have to take care of me. I don't want you to feel like I'm the one keeping you from living a normal life. Having a normal life. I want you to be happy. And if that means letting me go then do it. Let me go, Cal. Be happy. Get married. Have a family. For me. For mum. Make that story I told mum at the beach come true. Live the life I could never have. And when you have kids name them Matilda and Emilie._

 _If you live the life you should have then I know you'll be okay._

 _I guess this should be the time where I tell you. Since I knew you were never going to agree to my request, I decided it would be better to get someone else to do it. Someone I knew who wouldn't ask too many questions. Someone I knew who would accept it was my decision in the end. I suppose you know what's coming. And it's true. I asked Elle to help me die. I know when you read this, you're going to be mad. Mad at me. Mad at her. You can be mad at me for doing this, for letting Elle make the decision I asked you to make, but please, don't be mad at her. She was only doing what she was asked of. She actually put me first this time. Something you've never done. If you had done the deed the moment I asked you to, we wouldn't be where we are now. I wouldn't be explaining to you why I asked Elle to do it and you wouldn't be angry with her or with me._

 _I don't want to part on bad terms, though. Accept that I'm gone. And even though I'm no longer here, I'll always be with you. Remember you'll have our friends and colleagues there to support you through this tough time. And it will be tough for a few months, but in time you'll be able to deal with the pain. I'll always be your brother, Cal. Nothing will ever change that. But, I'm at peace now. I only hope you will be too._

 _Ethan xxx_

Cal tried to hold back the tears. Tried to stop himself from breaking down. It was no use. The words he had read, his brother's words hit home and he broke down, letting the tears fall down his cheeks once more. Ethan had a point, though. He was angry at him. He was angry at Elle. He was angry at himself for letting this happening. Yes, he knew he was being selfish, but he didn't care this time. He just wanted his brother back. All these emotions were going around his mind in circles that he suddenly felt a surge of anger. Even though Ethan had told him not to be angry at Elle, he was and he needed answers. He stormed out of the room in search for Elle. He was going to get the answers he needed, even if it meant having an argument. One that was unnecessary, though not to him.


	7. Chapter 7

"WHY DID YOU DO IT?" Cal yelled as he barged into the office.

"Did what?" Elle asked, a bit taken a back by his entrance.

"Don't act as if you don't know what I'm talking about. You know for certain for what I'm talking about. "

"If this is about Ethan then I know you know the reason why. It was Ethan's decision."

"Well, what about me?"

"Cal, this isn't about you or what you wanted. It's about what Ethan wanted. And he wanted to die. He knew what his life was going to be like. He saw what happened with your mum. He saw what you did for her. Saw the sacrifices you made. He didn't want you doing the same for him."

Cal scoffed.

"I know all this from his letter."

"So what's the problem then?"

"My problem is I want my brother. But, I can't have him because he's dead. Because of you."

Elle knew in a way Cal was right. She did kill Ethan. She also knew Cal could blame her as much as he wanted to but, it wasn't going to help. It wasn't going to bring his brother back and Cal was going to have to accept it.

"What do you want me to do?" Elle asked, trying to get him to accept what had happened. "Tell me what it is you want me to do? Do you want me to tell you that I'm sorry? That I shouldn't have let Ethan die? You want me to bring him back?"

All these questions that were being fired at him, only made the truth even more harder to deal with. Cal just stood there shaking his head.

"I just want my brother back." Cal whispered. "I just want him back."

With that, he broke down again. Elle walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him. She let him grieve. After most of the tears subsided Cal left the room. He walked out towards reception and went up to Noel.

"Hey, Cal." Noel said as he saw Cal approach. "How are you feeling?"

Noel mentally hit himself.

"Sorry, stupid question."

Cal smiled weakly.

"It's alright. And in answer to your question, I'm okay."

"Well, you know we're all here to support you in any way we can."

"Thanks. By the way is he still up there?"

"Ethan?"

Cal nodded.

"Yeah, he's still up there."

Cal nodded again, then looked towards the stairs and back to Noel.

"Do you want to see him?" Noel wondered.

"If that's okay?" Cal stammered.

"I don't see why not." Noel replied.

"Cheers." Cal said quietly.

With that Cal left the reception and headed upstairs to where his brother still lay. It was dreadfully quiet inside the room. Cal lingered by the door before walking over to the bed.

"Hey, Eth." Cal started to say. "I know you can't answer me, but I do know you can hear me or at least I think you can hear me. I wish you would just give me a sign so I know."

As soon as those words came out of his mouth he could have sworn he heard Ethan's voice. He shook his head. He was just imagining it. Ethan was gone and he needed to accept that. Cal carried on.

"What am I supposed to do without my safety net? I know you want me to live the life, but it's not my life. It was yours. It should be you who's living the life you want, not me. You should be the one getting married, having kids. I should know. You deserve it. I don't. I never did. You've had to put up with so much over the years. You've had to put up with my mistakes, my mess ups. Worse you've had to clean up my messes and for that I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've always taken you for granted. But, since this is the last thing you want me to do, then I promise you. I'll live the life you told mum. Not only will I have two daughters, who I will name Emilie and Matilda after mum, but I'll have a son too. And I'll name him after you, Ethan, so all three of them will know what a loving and supportive uncle they would have had."

Cal leaned forward and placed a kiss on Ethan's head.

"I love you, little brother." He whispered.

He stroked his hair before closing the door behind him.


End file.
